


Worth Loving

by Smokedcapybara



Series: (Apprentice) Park Ranger Handsome [10]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Cynthia Murphy Is a Good Mother, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-15 00:27:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17518742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smokedcapybara/pseuds/Smokedcapybara
Summary: Connor approached his mom after breakfast on a bright saturday morning.“Can we talk?”She startled and searched his face for a moment before smiling and leading him into the livingroom to sit.





	Worth Loving

**Author's Note:**

> hey look! something other than Evan and Connor hanging out at the park! who knew that could happen here!  
> it's a little later than I planned, sorry, my mom's doing some reorganizing and it's very distracting

Connor approached his mom after breakfast on a bright saturday morning.

“Can we talk?”

She startled and searched his face for a moment before smiling and leading him into the livingroom to sit. “Okay. What did you want to talk about?”

He looked down at his fidgeting hands while he tried to find the right way to word it. Eventually he decided to just say it.

“I want to go to therapy.” He shook his head. “I think-no… I _need_ to go to therapy.”

A sad smile flickered onto her face for a second and she nodded slightly. “Can I ask… why now?”

“Um…”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” She reached a hand out but retracted it before it touched him. “I think therapy could be a good idea if that’s what you say you need, I just… you’ve been doing so well and I… I don’t know-” She shrugged a little helplessly.

“I am doing well right now,” he agreed, “but there’s no guarantee that it’ll last and I don’t want to be caught unprepared if I start… relapsing or whatever. I-” He took a minute to think before smiling lightly at her. “I met someone. And I-I think I might be in love with them? And I don’t want to-I _can’t_ -”

His voice broke and he curled in on himself.

“Oh.” He heard his mom whisper and then she was there, wrapping him up in her arms. “Oh, _Connor._ ”

They sat like that for several minutes before he made himself pull away to look her in the eyes. She smiled at him.

“I’ll talk to your father about it.”

He cringed and she laughed lightly.

“Don’t worry, I won’t take no for an answer. This is too important.”

She was holding his hands between them and smiling at him and she looked so hopeful, he felt himself smile back. “Ok. Thank you.”

Her smile grew. “Now. Since we’ve got the important serious stuff out of the way, tell me about this someone you met.”

Connor let out a soft laugh at her eager expression.

“Well… they, um, they’re… kinda perfect?” He laughed again. “I mean, they have anxiety and, uh, really love trees - like they can talk about trees for _hours_ \- actually it’s impressive how much they know about trees.”

“Trees?”

“Yeah, they’re an apprentice park ranger at the state park and, um,” he paused and glanced down, taking in a steadying breath, “that’s actually how we met? I went there to… well, I was planning to… I was gonna get high but they stopped me cause there’s a fire ban.” He finished in a rush. Then after a moment of thought, he continued. “Y’know with the drought and everything? And we just sorta got talking and now we hang out there… three days a week.”

His mom smiled knowingly at him. “So all those mornings you’ve spent ‘hiking’ you were actually meeting up with your… friend?” Her smile grew. “Who you want to be more than a friend.”

Connor buried his blushing face in his hands. “Yes. Or, well, I do technically hike, I just don’t spend the _whole_ time hiking.”

When he looked up his mom made a ‘go on’ gesture. “Tell me more about them.”

He noticed her deliberate use of the word ‘them’ and smiled, suddenly a little more hopeful.

The next several minutes were filled with Connor describing the way Hansen’s golden hair shines in the sunlight, his almost constant blush and how adorable it is, how his freckles seem to highlight his contagious smile, the layers and shades of brown in his eyes that remind Connor of the trees he loves so much, his dreamlike softness and nearly angelic glow, the uplifting quality of his laughter, and how Connor could get lost in _all of it_ so easily.

He felt closer to his mom than he had in years. Or ever.

She smiled through all of it, her eyes shining as she took in how happy his friend made him.

Then he found himself shifting to how Hansen had held him and told him he’d stay after he snapped at him, the way he would look at Connor like somehow _Hansen_ was lucky to be friends with Connor and not the other way around like Connor knew it was, like he hadn’t saved Connor as much as Connor had saved him.

Suddenly his mom was sitting next to him, arms wrapping around his middle.

“Well, they definitely sound worth loving.”

Connor smiled down at her.

“They are.” A small pause and Connor decided to take another small risk, to trust her a little more. “H-he is.”

Her smile softened and her arms tightened around him. She leaned the side of her head against his shoulder. “I think - you don’t have to listen to me, I could be misreading entirely-” She started slow and thoughtful but then interrupted herself in a rush and had to stop and start again. “I think you should tell him how you feel. That you’re in love with him.”

Connor felt himself tense slightly.

“But what if he doesn’t feel the same? What if it makes everything awkward and he doesn’t want to be my friend anymore?”

“Somehow I doubt that’ll happen.”

“Mom, I’m serious.”

She smiled softly again. “So am I. You said he told you - _promised you_ \- that he’d stick by you, that you wouldn’t drive him away. That should count for your love just as much as your anger.”

“I don’t know if I can risk it. He means too much to me.”

“The way I see it, you’ve got a choice,” she leaned further into his side, “either you take that risk and tell him how you feel, or you pine after him indefinitely. Those are your only two options. And let me tell you, pining after your best friend for _years_ isn’t fun.”

He looked down at her in surprise and she snorted.

“What? Your father isn’t the first person I ever loved.”

“Oh. I never really thought about that.”

“Of course you didn’t.” She pulled back just enough to pat his shoulder lightly. “Just. Think about what I said?”

He let himself smile. “I will.”


End file.
